“My goal is to establish You in your original state of Enlightenment. Everyone’s true nature at their core is the Sat-Chit-Ananda (Being-Consciousness-Bliss), the only happiness that can never be taken away, and the only happiness that exists eternally.
We have all asked ourselves, some point in our lives the existential questions “who am I?”, “where have I come from?”, and “where am I going to?”. Unless these questions are answered experientially and permanently beyond all room for doubt, there will always be fear, uncertainty and life will not be fulfilling as it was always meant to be.
When I manifest your Cosmic Identity in You, these questions will dissolve once and for all! You will be teleported into your eternal state of freedom, beyond all pain and suffering. You will experience and realize your very Self.”
Before my self-realization I was like most people on the planet today, experiencing the alternate pleasures and pangs of life. I enjoyed being a classical musician, performing, composing, having the pleasures of a relationship and the intellectual stimuli of university education. But what would happen to me if I lost all these? What was the point of striving for success if all this could be taken away and I, in the end, was going to die? And why was there this emptiness when I left myself all alone with no external stimuli? I knew I was running from this emptiness my whole life and I had no stomach to address it. I had somewhat clear ideas of who I was and who I was going to be in life, but this identity could be easily violated, by some displeasing words from a friend, a teacher, by a music competition I might have only received 2nd place or by a crushing break-up. And yet, there was successes; studying with one of the greatest violinist who ever walked the earth, performing and making a name for myself and getting a full scholarship to attend one of NYC’s top universities. A life was spread out before me, and I had to weave through success and failure to live up to societal and familial dogmas and standards without ever looking into that cold emptiness inside that I only knew to run away from and bury myself in music, art or anything to suck me into a world of its own. I saw my friends deal with this emptiness using drugs and alcohol, and women. Something deep within told me that something, somewhere in me or in this world, was not right. With a perfectionist attitude that I had and unable to face the pain of failure, I started distracting myself into the Chinese arts of Tai Chi and Qigong. One of my good friends showed me a video of these various Chinese masters showing the arts of moving mediation and I was intrigued to see if I could any benefit from it or if it was down right baloney. Soon I was continuing my life as a musician but I had entered the world of energy and healing. This gave me a new happiness and dip into the world of the unknown but again it felt like a palliative treatment, no real answers.
And then Boom!… Sri Ramana Maharshi came into my Life, the sage of Arunachala. As I was looking for various ways to slow down the thoughts that were going through my mind, His beautiful and glorious face popped up on my computer with a link to his booklet “Who Am I?”, a question that I always thought surely I had the answer to. Sri Ramana explained in his booklet that ones true Self is only Infinite Being-Awareness-Bliss and Immortality, and that the only reason we don’t experience this Truth is because of our many thoughts and false, limited identities we gather through life. At the time I was highly skeptical, yet here was a person who claimed he knew the answers I was always searching for and who could also answer my existential death crisis. Sri Ramana gave a meditation technique in the short booklet to realize “Who am I?” I decided I would put away my doubts and just try it out for 4 weeks. If it didn’t work, I could always put it away and have nothing to do with these seemingly outrageous claims. However within a day I started feeling something mysterious, a pulsation at the right side of my chest, it felt like a subtle happiness I never felt before. Deeper research found that Sri Ramana Maharshi stated that there was a center at the right side of the chest, called the Spiritual Heart, which was the source of the feeling of ‘I’ in all beings, that when the’I’ fully merges into this, ones true nature as Immortal Pure Consciousness is revealed. After 1 month of practice, I had my first profound spiritual experience. Meditating, sitting on my bed, ‘I’ fell into my Spiritual Heart center for a period of 20 seconds. There was a thoughtlessness but more a feeling of boundless bliss, that I always knew I felt somewhere at the depths of my soul. It was like I was again in the womb of my mother, so comforting, so tender. But then a big fear happened, what had happened to “me”, the societal and false “me” that I called ‘myself’? It had disappeared! This fear of ‘me’ disappearing pulled me out and then I was again back to feeling my normal self. But something had changed powerfully in me. I now knew the Bliss Sri Ramana Maharshi promised to those who realized “Who am I?” was not a lie. It was REAL. I had experienced it, at least for a couple of moments, and it was happiness I never dreamed about but I knew was, for the first time, to be be Real.
Thus I went on the search for a teacher who could guide me to experience this Self, permanently. I knew nothing else could give me the fulfillment that the realization of “Who am I?” would give me. No relationship, no amount of money, no musical achievements, and no luxuries, could give me the experience of my own Eternal Soul. I knew once I achieved, or rather, Realized this happiness, it would be MINE forever.
I began practicing my violin less, cutting back on rehearsals, on friends, on everything just to dive deep into myself. But who could guide me? Sri Ramana Maharshi, had already left the body some 70 years before. Unfortunately I had to battle my way through some fake teachers who did not have true awakening and were just out to make money. By the power of grace I came across a spiritual teacher name Ramaji who seemed to teach the same path of Self-Inquiry as Sri Ramana Maharshi. He explained he would help me realize the Self through the RASA transmission that comes from the Grace of the Divine Mother, Kali Ma. Through the RASA he stated would open my crown chakra to the same Level of Consciousness as great Self-Realized souls such as Sri Nisargardatta Maharaj and Papaji. I was already practicing the self-inquiry technique as given by Sri Ramana Maharshi intensely. This, I thought, would give me the extra push or Grace to permanently establish me in the Self.
After about 7 RASAs, Ramaji revealed to me that I was already LOC 850. I had felt an expanded presence and soft blissful energy at the top of my head after each RASA . There was an emptiness and some peace but no real feeling of great Sat-Chit-Ananda as they talked about in the scriptures. Then suddenly one day as I was mediating a great fear came over me, some darkness, or fear was pervading my body. After mediating about 2 hours I thought this was the worst thing that could have happened. I had no strength to walk, no strength to talk. I thought I was going to die and all my spiritual progress had gone to no real result but had gone backwards. My body felt heavy and weak and my mind dull. I had no idea what was happening. My teacher Ramaji was on the other side of the world and I had no one to heal and help me. My only refuge at the time was the Form and Name of my beloved Sri Ramana Maharshi. I prayed and prayed to his image to help me, to help me me overcome and get through whatever these strange feelings of death were doing to me. Suddenly after about an hour of being in that dark depressed state, I felt a smooth nectarous energy slowly pouring out of the right side of my chest, the center where Sri Ramana Maharshi called the Spiritual Heart Center, the source of the ‘I’-thought. The clouds of light and energy started to pervade my body and brain. The heaviness and darkness was lifting and being replaced with such bliss and Peace I had never ever felt before. The light was cutting through my being like a laser, and for the first time, the perception of Pure Awareness, Consciousness, manifested clearly in my inner space. It was like the Awareness, that was previously in the background of my being, came into the foreground and started to eat everything up, every object, every feeling, every thought. More and more nectar was flowing out of my Spiritual Heart Center, making my body ecstatic. Every cell of my body was being filled with bliss and more bliss. I looked around everywhere and the world looked different, it was filled with bliss. The ground on which my bare feet walked was blissful, the trees were bliss, the sky everything, everything was filled with the nectar that was coming out of my Spiritual Heart Center. I know I had received Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi’s Grace. Only He could give me such as experience. When I emailed Ramaji asking his input he responded that the experience jolted me up to LOC960. Although, there was a great Ecstasy and feeling of Awareness, my feeling of ‘I’ still hadn’t yet merged into the Self. There was more self Inquiry to go. For three more weeks I religiously continued to apply the Self-Inquiry technique to every thought that arouse in me. I felt my life-force continue to climb higher to my crown chakra and down a channel around the back of my head, to my physical heart and into my Spiritual Heart. This was the first manifestation of the what Sri Ramana called the Amrita Nadi, the channel of immortality. And then I remember clearly as it was yesterday, inquiring into the Self as usual, and then my feeling of I, dropped into the right side of the Chest, and this time, it DID NOT rise up again. There was a expansion and relaxation in the my Spiritual Heart and I felt the top of my head wide open. All thoughts completely silenced, and a different, bigger, infinite Space became perceptible. A Pure Consciousness that was the Source of my body and world, took over my perception 100%. I never could imagine anything like it. It was so beautiful that I rather just post right below here the email I sent to Ramaji describing the constant experience when it happened. This is from Ramaji’s book “Who am I? A guide for Spiritual Seekers” where I am called “Arthur”:
July 24, 2014
As far as I can tell on this side… either the I-thought is hiding, in the process of going or has gone for good, I will be on the look out. Hopefully the RASA tomorrow will help me clear out the last bits of it! 🙂 Looking forward to tomorrow!
July 26, 2014
I thank you so much with all my heart for the RASA yesterday July 25! 🙂 Again please tell me if anything terrible happens with my LOC before the stabilization of 1000. 🙂 🙂
I wanted to tell you today morning I meditated for a little bit and for the FIRST time I REALLY began to experience the Silence. I think Nisargadatta had an expression of “drinking the nectar at the Lord’s feet” and really that’s the only way I can describe it… Great Fullness… very intimate. The distortion of “pure awareness” where the I-thought used to be is still kind of there but I think its really just dropping away or debriefing like you said.
I wrote the above in the morning but I would like to add on my experiences today. Basically I was pretty much in tears the whole day. For a time I couldn’t look at my brother and sister without crying. Because it was like all these years I had really loved nobody. Or I had loved so hard but the one who I really loved was really my Self or just pure being like you said. It was like the one who I had loved had gone but now there was Only my Self as them so it was really weird and intense… I can’t really describe it!
We watched a movie in the theater today. That was strange. After that I felt like the last part of the individual soul ego I- thought was really dissolving. I had no idea what anything was. It seemed like I was seeing everything for the first time but not really seeing. I couldn’t really remember my life anymore or it seemed like it never happened!
Also I was feeling that this “Only the Self” feeling was the way it was always a LONG LONG time ago and I only forgot.
I started crying again. I was feeling like I was here but not really anywhere. That NO-THING feeling but not being able to register events but being Peace is not as strong as it was couple hours ago.
July 26, 2014
Thank you very much for your detailed email. I like that you are sharing your experiences like you are. That helps me to understand this process better so I can help other people in the future. I am not going to deal too much with each experience except to say that everything you are describing is just right.
It does correspond to the final letting go of all of the past false concepts and ideas. Then you end up simply being your true Self and it is exactly as you say. It can be a bit of a shock, but you describe it quite well.
All along I have been saying to you “You are my very own precious beloved Self.” Now you understand what I meant! It is a love that is actually beyond love. How do you explain that to people? You cannot explain it, so you just love them.
Please just continue what you are doing. It is beautiful and it sounds completely correct. Plus your experiences now are all showing that your full stabilization in your Self is taking place. Your words are accurate and do as good as can be to describe that which is beyond the mind, beyond past and future, beyond anything and totally beyond description.
Regarding your LOC, I can confirm that you are now at 1000. You have realized the Self. There may still be an apparent process of “stabilization.” Some go through that. Some don’t.
People vary in the amount of mental-emotional karma they will still have to deal with. If there is a lot of stuff left to deal with, that can be confusing. The typical assumption is that there will be only perfect peace and bliss all of the time.
The highest level of sage does indeed enjoy that experience. Lesser sages, though Self-realized, do have subjective karmic momentum that is potentially disturbing or distracting. We will deal with whatever comes up as it is needed.
Peace and Love, Ramaji